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September Kills Couch Potatoes

September 15, 2006

September 15 (FRIDAY)
9:00 PM - MEN IN TREES (ABC) - regular time slot premiere
11:00 PM - MI-5 (A&E) · season 4 premiere

September 17 (SUNDAY)
12:00 AM - TALK SHOW WITH SPIKE FERESTEN (FOX) - series premiere
8:30 PM - THE AMAZING RACE 10 (CBS) - 90-minute season premiere
8:00 PM - CLASS, THE (CBS) · series premiere

September 18 (MONDAY)
RACHAEL RAY (SYN) - new daytime talk show premieres
7:00 PM - SCRUBS (COM) - cable run series premiere; 2 episodes per night
8:00 PM - CLASS, THE (CBS) - series premiere
8:00 PM - WIFE SWAP (ABC) - season 3 premiere
8:30 PM - HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (CBS) - season 2 premiere
9:00 PM - CW SPECIAL: ET PRESENTS THE CW: LAUNCH OF A NEW NETWORK (CW) - one-hour special presentation
9:00 PM - TWO AND A HALF MEN (CBS) - season 4 premiere
9:30 PM - NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE (CBS) - season 2 premiere
10:00 PM - CSI: MIAMI (CBS) - season 5 premiere

September 19 (TUESDAY)
10:00 PM - SMITH (CBS) - series premiere

September 20 (WEDNESDAY)
8:00 PM - JERICHO (CBS) - series premiere

September 21 (THURSDAY)
8:00 PM - GREY'S ANATOMY (ABC) - one-hour special presentation
9:00 PM - CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS) - 7th season premiere
9:00 PM - GREY'S ANATOMY (ABC) - 3rd season premiere
10:00 PM - SHARK (CBS) - series premiere
10:01 PM - SIX DEGREES (ABC) - series premiere

September 22 (FRIDAY)
8:00 PM - GHOST WHISPERER (CBS) - 2nd season premiere
8:00 PM - WWE SMACKDOWN (The CW) - 8th season premiere
9:00 PM - CLOSE TO HOME (CBS) - 2nd season premiere
10:00 PM - NUMB3RS (CBS) - 3rd season premiere
10:00 PM - SEXUAL HEALING (SHOWTIME) - 1st season finale
11:00 PM - MINOR ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF JACKIE WOODMAN, THE (IFC) - 1st season finale
11:30 PM - BUSINESS, THE (IFC) - 1st season finale

September 23 (SATURDAY)
10:00 PM - 48 HOURS MYSTERY (CBS) - 17th season premiere

September 24 (SUNDAY)
7:00 PM - 60 MINUTES (CBS) - 39th season premiere
7:00 PM - EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION (ABC) - two-hour 4th season premiere - special time
8:00 PM - THREE MOONS OVER MILFORD (ABC FAMILY) - 1st season finale
9:00 PM - COLD CASE (CBS) - 4th season premiere
9:00 PM - DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC) - 3rd season premiere
10:00 PM - BROTHERHOOD (SHOWTIME) -1st season finale
10:00 PM - WITHOUT A TRACE (CBS) - 5th season premiere
10:01 PM - BROTHERS & SISTERS (ABC) - series premiere

September 25 (MONDAY)
8:00 PM - SEVENTH HEAVEN (The CW) - 11th season premiere
9:00 PM - RUNAWAY (The CW) - series premiere

September 26 (TUESDAY)
8:00 PM - GILMORE GIRLS (The CW) - 7th season premiere
8:00 PM - HOUSE (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:00 PM - STANDOFF (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:30 PM - HELP ME HELP YOU (ABC) - series premiere
10:00 PM - CONTENDER, THE (ESPN) - 2nd season finale

September 27 (WEDNESDAY)
8:00 PM - BONES (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:00 PM - JUSTICE (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:00 PM - LOST (ABC) - one-hour special presentation
9:00 PM - ONE TREE HILL (The CW) - 4th season premiere

September 28 (THURSDAY)
8:00 PM - SMALLVILLE (The CW) - 6th season premiere
8:00 PM - 'TIL DEATH (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
8:00 PM - UGLY BETTY (ABC) - series premiere
8:30 PM - HAPPY HOUR (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:00 PM - SUPERNATURAL (The CW) - 2nd season premiere
11:00 PM - TNA: IMPACT! (SPIKE TV) - 2nd season premiere

September 29 (FRIDAY)
8:00 PM - CELEBRITY DUETS (FOX) - two-hour 1st season finale - special time

September 30 (SATURDAY)
8:00 PM - COPS (FOX) - last episode before hiatus
9:00 PM - AMERICA'S MOST WANTED: AMERICA FIGHTS BACK (FOX) - last episode before hiatus

TiVO Lovers Beware

The days of breezing by commercial interruptions may be numbered. The “Man” may have found a way to drill his capitalist message into the brains of Personal Video Recorder (PVR) users. You know who you (we) are.
FX will begin showing an ad for their new series “Brotherhood” … but instead of an edited, fast moving commercial they will air an ad with the same steady image for 30 seconds.
Get it? Even at 12 x the speed the viewer will still …uh … get the message. Damnit.

Good Bye WB. We Will Miss You

When we were in college, we found the WB laughably bad television that we couldn’t avoid watching.

Guity pleasure? Yes! And one we can relive Sunday on the WB's last day in existance. (Before it's replaced with CW.)

And we were not alone. Who did not huddle around and watch poor James Vanderbeek’s earnest and hang-dog droopiness on "Dawson's Creek?" Who did not cheer as Buffy, our vampire slaying vixen stole our hearts just as quickly as she drove a stake through them?

From the safe distance of our early thirties, we own all of these series on DVD.

So the WB is where we’re going to be this Sunday evening watching the series premieres of "Buffy," "Angel," and "Dawson’s Creek," (among other) from 5pm-10pm – the last death rattle to escape from the WB as it merges with UPN to form “The CW.”

At 11:59pm on Sunday, September 17th, the WB will be no more. And so will fall the type of programming we’ve grown to love – serial television in a world populated almost exclusively by gorgeous and troubled characters. Even the old people are sexy on the WB, and we’re going to miss it.

For more, check out our feature on Insider/Outsider here.

No More "Being Bobby Brown" Possible

September 14, 2006

Although “BBB” is not on many people’s Brilliant But Cancelled lists…we’re a little sad today because of the divorce news.

Whitney and Bobby are calling it quits. For real. Although the lawyers said something cryptic: "It is a legal separation. It is not a divorce or a divorce petition.”

So while we hope this is good news for the troubled couple.... After all, It’s been painful to watch and follow the ugly rumors and ugly stories about their marriage. We don’t pretend to know the half of what makes two people fall in love, but we don’t doubt that there was something genuine between the two pop stars…at least in the beginning.
Whitney is keeping custody of their 13-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, and is staying in Laguna, California. She says she wants Bobby to have visitation rights, and they will discuss property division later on. (That sounds so civil; we hope it’s true.) As far as Bobby goes, he has no comment at this time.

But what this means for us is that there is no possibility for “Being Bobby Brown” Part II.

And come on! Who did not secretly and not-so-secretly crave for a reunion season!?

Defying Extinction

Barney the dinosaur is returning for his 15th season. And he’s still singing that damn “I love you, you love me” song, in all of his glorious, cloying, purple-ness.

Executive producer Karen Barnes uses pretty much the same skill set as Barney: ''It's an iconic character, part of the culture. We have a new audience every two or three years. What Barney teaches doesn't go out of style.''

Which sounds like the same idea that cigarette advertisers use, doesn’t it? You just keep making more babies, and we’ll get them hooked on a dinosaur.

''You don't want to continue doing the same things over and over. You want to keep it fresh,'' Barnes continued. ''I think a show that's been on this long, it's important that we add new elements.''

Like, say, a new … dinosaur.

Joining Barney, Baby Bop, and the collection of amped up hooligan children, will be an orange something-o-saur named Riff.

Here’s the part where this gets insane. There are a large number of anti-Barney websites. The one we find the funniest is set up by Angela Harms, from Eugene Oregon, who has this to say:

''It's sweet, but it lies. (Barney) tells them that he loves them. I don't want my children thinking love is what you get from a guy on TV,” Harms also criticizes the value that the show places on sameness. “The kids on Barney &
Friends would follow him off a cliff, if he sang a snappy song.''

A producer for the show defends this idea, by saying: “This is the time they need to learn how to get along in the broader world…There's plenty of time to develop individualism.''

That last quote is much funnier if you picture Barney saying it.

Don’t Hit Ellen!

The woman involved in a traffic collision with Ms. DeGeneres has been charged with drunken driving.

Ooh! Hiss!!

Jeanne Werber, 52, of Los Angeles, was charged Tuesday with misdemeanor DUI, said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the city attorney's office.

Werber was driving a 2002 Porsche Carrera on Sept. 1 when she slammed into the back of a 2002 Buick LeSabre, which then struck the back of DeGeneres' 2006 Porsche Carrera, police said.

Wait, two Porsche Carerra’s? That’s just sooo L.A. we can’t stand it.

Werber was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving at the time after refusing to take a chemical sobriety test, Velasquez said.

DeGeneres and her passenger -- a woman in her mid-30s -- and the men in the Buick had minor injuries. No one required medical attention, police said.

If convicted, Werber could face up to six months in prison and a fine of $1,000. She also was charged with failing to provide proof of insurance, an infraction punishable by a $100 fine, Velasquez said.

Our View of Meredith

September 13, 2006

In the past few weeks, we’ve had a lot of “someone is joining the something” mania to deal with. Katie, Rosie, the list keeps going on and on. So, we got here early to watch Meredith Vieira on “The Today Show.” Even though NBC/Universal owns Bravo, which owns BBCancelled, we were prepared to hate everything about this mornings “Today Show.”

Why? Because we don't like rooting for the winning team. We like the Underdogs! The Brilliant But Cancelled stuff...you know.

Some observations:
Wow, that new set is really … white. They had been going with that “country kitchen meets upper-west-side” look for so long, it almost felt like they were doing the show from the future. Or space. Or France.

Anne Curry looks great. We used to serve her coffee in our previous “starving-writer” lives, so we also happen to know she’s nice, and nice to service people (like waiters and stuff, which earns her extra kudos). She is a class act.

We also got to see their “who-is-this-woman?” video montage. And gues what? We kind of fell in love with Meredith Vieira.

“YOUNG NEWSCASTER” Meredith -- In the early 80s Meredith showed absolutely no sign that she would become anything special. Frankly, she looked more like a second-tier QVC presenter than a journalist. This part of the montage gave us hope that one day instead of being nerdy bloggers we might grow up to be beautiful, intelligent, brunette bloggers.

“60 MINUTES” Meredith – Wow. Then suddenly she became a real newswoman. Brilliant, insightful, unafraid. Frankly, we’re a little bemused at why she isn’t anchoring the CBS evening news. (Just sayin’) Meredith is a woman who can command and give confidence.

“THE VIEW” Meredith – We tuned out at this point in the montage. The only thing we cared about on The View before Rosie joined was when Star Jones Reynolds’ cried and then got fired.
Congratulations, Meredith. We’re thrilled to have you in the building.

Nicole V Tabloids

Oh, Nicole. This is just getting ridiculous.

According to IMDB, Nicole Ritchie is asking tabloid editors to stop reporting on her alleged anorexia. Ritchie’s main point being that she’s not anorexic, but the reports are stressing her out so much that she LOOKS anorexic.

Nicole appeared on the Tyra Banks show yesterday and had this to say: "You definitely don't want people constantly looking you up and down. I know the photographers are following me every day; I know that they're looking for something wrong and that doesn't feel good at all. That obviously doesn't help me."

The paparazzi may be populated with horrible, unseemly beasts, but they don’t cause diseases. And we’re not going to make jokes about anorexia because it’s just not a funny disease – but does anyone else feel like they’re more worried about Nicole than Nicole is?

Eva Says: No More TV

September 12, 2006

Ms. Longoria of “Desperate Housewives” fame says she's done with television after “DW'' ends.

The 31-year-old actress said she loves the medium of television and the routine it provides, but that ''Housewives'' will be her last series.

Hunh? Why? Love, but leave?

''I would never leave 'Desperate Housewives,''' Longoria told The Associated Press. ''I love doing both (TV and film), but I would never do another TV show after 'Desperate Housewives.' No.''’

Hunh? Why? Love, but leave?

Longoria, who plays saucy Gabrielle Solis on the ABC dramedy, can next be seen on the big screen in How I Met My Boyfriend's Dead Fiancée, due in 2007. She made her mainstream movie debut opposite Michael Douglas in The Sentinel earlier this year.

Hunh? Why? That movie was L.A.M.E.

The third season of ''Desperate Housewives'' begins Sept. 24.

So. Once again. Why? We don’t know. And apparently the reports at the Associated Press who talked to Ms. L. didn’t ask her, “Why?”

ABC "Desperate Housewives"

9/11 Reruns Are Cheap

Maybe it’s the state of the world today—iffy, at best. Or maybe it’s the utter lack of creativity at the news divisions of major networks. (Evidence the naming of Ms. Couric as a GROUNDBREAKING event. Uh, no. Just a new face in the same boring chair. But that’s only one opinion…)

TV news revisited the horror of Sept. 11 on Monday by replaying long stretches of coverage from that day as the events unfolded before a nation's eyes.

Most prominent was MSNBC, which showed more than three hours of NBC News' special report on the attacks running parallel to the exact time five years earlier.

Yes, Three Hours. !!! 3 Hours.

Tom Brokaw, Katie Couric and Matt Lauer anchored the coverage, during which it took nearly five minutes for them to comprehend that the first tower had collapsed.

In most cases, these tapes had remained stored away for five years, as news organizations had been reluctant to replay the more disturbing images.

''Watching the coverage again reminds us of the impact that had on the nation,'' said Dan Abrams, MSNBC general manager. ''There's an argument to be made that watching the coverage reminds us of the significance of the day more than watching the memorial service.''

CNN replayed the full day's coverage for free on the CNN Pipeline broadband service, which normally requires a fee, and showed brief snippets on the air. Fox News Channel compressed highlights of its coverage into a 21-minute program that aired Monday morning, and also made it available on its Web site.

ABC replayed an hour of coverage on its ABC News Now Web site, while CBS News also made parts of its 5-year-old coverage available online.

One theory: The willingness to repeatedly air the images is an indication that sensitivities are lessening and, perhaps, a sign of how competition works among the networks.

Uhm, we doubt it. Like we said early. Utter-Lack-of-Creativity.

Reruns are inexpensive, and easy.

Scrubs Stud Sleeps Around

From the NBC sitcom that made him a star, Zach Braff took time off to make a charming little movie called Garden State.

Now, in Toronto for the city’s big film festival, Braff unveiled his next project: The Last Kiss.
Braff stars as a man who’s afraid to settle in with his beautiful, pregnant girlfriend so he starts having an affair with a college babe.

Wow. That’s so original. Last time we checked, that was the story of about 45% of American Men. (Yes, we just made up that statistic, but you get the point.)

Braff, apparently, chose the project so he could play against type.

''I have reporters all the time saying to me, 'I really love the movie. I wanted to slap ... you,''' Braff said. ''I say, 'That's great, that's awesome. You had a reaction to it.'''

''It just felt very human, and I couldn't believe the studio was going to make the movie. I got them to promise me they weren't going to change it when I signed on. You can see all the opportunities where they could have wimped out and softened it and made it more mainstream. There'll be people who'll have a hard time with this movie.''
Fans of Braff can look forward to more Braff.

Just 31, he co-stars with Jason Bateman and Amanda Peet in next year's workplace comedy Fast Track, and ''Scrubs'' creator Bill Lawrence is working on a movie adaptation of author Gregory McDonald's crime romp Fletch Won in which Braff may star. The actor also plans to return to directing with a remake of the sober Danish drama Open Hearts, a story of tragic twists that follow a traffic accident.

Meantime, Braff remains busy on ''Scrubs,'' although he hasn’t decided whether to return to ''Scrubs,'' saying he will put the decision off until March when production wraps on the sixth season.

Bill Clinton Scores Cuts

September 11, 2006

As reported here Friday, ol’ Prezzie Bill Clinton and his co-horts did not take quietly to the ABC mini-series about 9/11, “The Path to 9/11.”

Saying that he was too busy working about Monica Lewinsky to take out Osama bin Laden set Clinton and his friends on a path to get ABC to change the film at the last minute.

Guess what? They did.

ABC made several editing changes to the first part of its miniseries ''The Path to 9/11'' following furious protests by Clinton administration officials that it fabricated scenes about their actions prior to the terrorist attacks.

But the network resisted calls to cancel the $40 million miniseries, airing commercial-free over two nights. Part two is scheduled for Monday, with an interruption for President Bush's address to the nation.

Several scenes were cut or changed from the movie that aired Sunday and finished 20 minutes shy of its three-hour time slot. ABC has called it a dramatization, not a documentary.

One scene, in a copy of the movie given to television critics a few weeks ago, indicated President Clinton's preoccupation with his potential impeachment may have hurt the effort to go after Osama bin Laden.

In the original scene, an actor portraying White House terrorism czar Richard Clarke shares a limousine ride with FBI agent John O'Neill and tells him: ''The Republicans are going all-out for impeachment. I just don't see in that climate the president's going to take chances'' and give the order to kill bin Laden.

But in the film aired Sunday, Clarke says to O'Neill: ''The president has assured me this ... won't affect his decision-making.''

O'Neill replies: ''So it's OK if somebody kills bin Laden, as long as he didn't give the order. It's pathetic.''

Another scene in the critics' cut showed O'Neill asking Clarke on the telephone: ''What's Clinton going to do (about bin Laden)?''

Clarke replies, ''I don't know. The Lewinsky thing is a noose around his neck.''

This was cut entirely from the film that aired Sunday.

Another scene in the movie that depicted a team of CIA operatives poised outside of bin Laden's fortress in Afghanistan, ready to attack, was substantially shortened from the original. Pictures of the waiting Afghanistan operatives are interspersed with those of officials in Washington, who had to approve the mission.

The original version depicted national security adviser Samuel R. Berger hanging up on CIA chief George Tenet as Tenet sought permission to attack bin Laden. The movie aired Sunday did not include Berger hanging up.

The effect of the editing in that scene is to deflect specific blame. It ends with actor portraying an Afghan ally saying to Donnie Wahlberg, who acted as the head of the CIA team in Afghanistan: ''Are there no men in Washington, or are they all cowards?''

In the critics' version, Wahlberg's statement is followed directly by archival footage of Clinton's video testimony about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Sunday, that footage was not included.

Twice, the network de-emphasized the role of the commission that investigated the terrorist attacks in its film.

The critics' version contained a note in the opening credits that the film is ''based on the 9/11 commission report.'' That was omitted Sunday.

In a separate disclaimer that ran three times Sunday, ABC said the material is ''drawn from a variety of sources including the 9/11 commission report and other published materials and from personal interviews.'' That differs from a note in the critics' version that said the dramatization ''is based on the 9/11 commission report and other published sources and personal interviews.''

The disclaimer emphasized that the movie was not a documentary.

''For dramatic and narrative purposes the movie contains fictionalized scenes, composite and representative characters and dialogue, as well as time compression,'' the note said.

Clinton spokesman Jay Carson said in a statement Sunday night that ABC and its parent, The Walt Disney Co., ''chose fiction over fact and entertainment over education in airing their TV show.''

Critics, such as historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr., said it was ''disingenuous and dangerous'' not to include accurate historical accounts in the movie.

Thomas Kean, head of the commission that investigated the Sept. 11 attacks and a backer of the film, said on ABC's ''This Week'' Sunday that he hadn't seen the final cut of the movie but urged Americans to watch it.

''If people blame Bill Clinton after seeing this, then the miniseries has failed,'' said Kean, the former Republican New Jersey governor. ''That's wrong and it shouldn't happen.''

John Lehman, another Republican commission member, said on the ABC News show that he's told the film is equally harsh on the administrations of President Bush and his father.

''And if you don't like the hits to the Clinton administration, well, welcome to the club,'' Lehman said. ''The Republicans have lived with Michael Moore and Oliver Stone and most of Hollywood as a fact of life.''

“Rock” Sheds Million$ for Education

Wrestling champ (and cable television superstar) Dwayne ''The Rock'' Johnson and his wife are giving $2 million to the University of Miami, school officials said.

A nice move for a guy in a sport easily looked down upon—at least by the pseudo-intelligentsia. Cable execs LOVE wrestling because it draws huge numbers of television viewers. Year after year.

The donation will be used to help fund the construction of an alumni center on the school's Coral Gables campus. A room will be named after the couple.

The center will include a library, gallery, cafe and meeting areas, and the university hopes to have it completed within five years, spokeswoman Margot Winick said Friday.

Johnson played football at the school and graduated in 1995. His wife, Dany Garcia Johnson, a member of the university's board of trustees and founder of a Miami-based wealth management firm, also attended the university. The couple met at the school.

The Rock is currently trying out the big screen—after years of “wrestling” on the small screen. The film, Gridiron Gang, in which he stars as a football coach at a juvenile prison is out September 15.